"The Chaos" by Dr. Gerard Nolst Trinite
Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Susy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.
Pronunciation -- think of Psyche!
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won't it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It's a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.
Finally, which rhymes with enough --
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give up!
I left out several lines but isn't the English Language just astounding? It can be so confusing, has so many rules, and so many expetions. If you ever wondered why English is the hardest language to learn, you don't now. Know you now. I mean..now you know. :D
And I bet you feel special for knowing it so well. Like an old friend!
...Or just aweful for butchering it so often like it isn't you first language or anything :P